13,600 / 20,000 (68%)

Samba story
7,926 / 8,000 (99.1%)

S.M. (Book 1)
580 / 10,000 (5.8%)

S.M. (Book 2)
1,010 / 10,000 (10%)

4,032 / 10,000 (40.5%)

ASPCA Day is April 10

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Location: Puerto Rico

Monday, September 11, 2006

Having gone a-MIA

Hi... *waves shyly* Remember me? It's been almost 2 months since I last posted here. I'll bet some of you having been wondering what I've been up to. (I even heard M.E. shouting all the way from Inglaterra!) Don't you worry, the chupacabras didn't kidnap me and took me to his planet. (Didn't you know the chupacabras is an alien from the Cabras planet?)

Well, you see, I thought about taking a couple of weeks off the internet to see if I could get back into the funk of writing. I've not been very creative for a long time because I've not been too involved in very creative circles. The energy hasn't been there anymore - not after the critique group I'm still in stopped critiquing - so back then I figured maybe I could get my funk back if I immersed myself back into the wereanimal story.

So, off I went to the beach, where I met this gorgeous man with silky long brown hair and eyes the color of the deepest ocean. His skin had this rich soft chocolately tone that begged to be licked and tasted it. Tall with a body of a man used to workout and keep himself in shape. Broad shoulders, rippled muscular chest, narrow hips, and powerful legs. Oh... and nice, tight ass that won't quit. Like a guaraguao flying over its prey, he swept me off my feet and into his embrace; and night after night, under the pale rays of the tropical moon, we soared higher and higher.

Okay, now that you're all "wow-ing" and "uuuh-ing" and minds are right in the gutter, let me tell you the truth. Okay, it's true I wanted to take a few days off to finish writing my wereanimal story. I didn't have the creative energy to do it, but I figured I could push myself at least to finish it - even if the results (the story) didn't live up to my expectations. However, as I dragged myself to write the story, a few blows turned my world upside down. August came and with all bad news. My job suddenly was in shaky grounds. The probabilities of losing grew by leaps and bounds. Add to that the stress of being moved to do other jobs that weren't related to what I was hired for. Every day the uncertainty grew. There were too many rumors milling around. I know rumors are just rumors. But most rumors are based on the truth. The problem was trying discerning fact from fiction. Although the management assured us we wouldn't lose our jobs, my experience was that their words are usually empty.

Add to that doctor visits, and, well... the level of stress was too much for me. Every day I'd come home from work late at night, and I'd sit before the computer trying to figure out what to post about. But in the end I'd realize I didn't have anything to say. At all. My brain was blank. Words wouldn't flow. I didn't even have the energies to whine and bitch. I was going through the motions, but I felt empty inside. It was like being trapped in the eye of the hurricane. That false sense of tranquility around you. But turmoil rolls outside that deceptive peace.

I didn't feel centered for a long time. I tried to find my center. To feel grounded again. Although there are times in which I'm almost myself, I still don't feel totally centered and grounded. I guess there's too much coming at me still. But I'm alive. That's good.

As for my job, things are still hanging there. I've not lost it. And I've not been moved to another position either. But this won't last long. Eventually something is going to happen. So the future is still uncertain although there's a truce. So I guess I better start trying to figure out a few things in my life - especially when it comes to my job. Baby steps, Silma... baby steps.