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Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Vote for favorite chapter 2 intro NOW!!!

Okay, here's my dilemma. Since yesterday, I've been trying to finish chapter 2 so I can email it to Briana. Although I've done most of the chapter, the beginning of it is still driving me crazy. See, the hero is in his office, which is located in Old San Juan, Puerto Rico. The problem is that many readers might not know what the Spanish-style buildings look like in and out, or how it feels to be in one of them. So I want to put the reader right in the setting. However, I wonder if I'm giving too much description and/or when to insert all that info. So far I've written two versions. Please vote which one you like best!

Version #1:
After several morning meetings, it was mid-afternoon when Christopher Drake walked into his office, located on the last floor of a Spanish colonial-style building in Old San Juan. He’d visited Puerto Rico five years ago and fallen in love with the antique buildings that surrounded the capital. So when the opportunity came for him to expand his hotel business in the island, he didn’t hesitate to open his office in one of oldest buildings. Instead of trying to modernize it, he kept the original look. Black and white tiles covered the floor in a checker pattern, the walls typical white. Two sets of heavy wooden doors lay on both sides of the office. One led to the hallway and the other to the ornate balcony. Palm trees planted on pots placed on either side of the doors leading to the balcony gave it that touch of the tropics.

Closing the doors behind him, he made his way to his dark, mahogany desk and picked the last of the papers that had piled up over it since this morning. He signed it and put it in the tray marked Out. Then he pressed the button on the intercom. “Mrs. Rodríguez, as soon as Mr. Casiano comes to his office, tell him that I need to see him immediately.”

Without waiting for his secretary’s reply, he cut the communication. He got up and walked up to open the doors leading to the balcony wide. He leaned casually against the door frame. The view before him was breathtaking. The sun cast its bright rays over the next buildings, bringing the intensity of their colors. Aqua, peach, yellow, green, red. All bursting like a rainbow. It was almost impossible to look directly at them. The sky was cloudless. A typical afternoon in Puerto Rico. The sound of footsteps on the cobblestone streets below, humming with busy life, was like soothing music. A soft, warm breeze carried the salty smell of the ocean. He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths then let them out slowly, feeling the tension drain out of his body with each breath he took. From this height, he could see beyond the other tile-roofed buildings the dark blue outline of the Atlantic Ocean as it met the turquoise sky.


Version #2:
Christopher Drake signed the last of the papers that had piled up over his dark, mahogany desk since this morning and put it in the tray marked Out. Then he pressed the button on the intercom. “Mrs. Rodríguez, as soon as Mr. Casiano comes to his office, tell him that I need to see him immediately.”

Without waiting for his secretary’s reply, he cut the communication. Then he leaned back on his black leather chair, and loosing this tie, he glanced around his new office. It was located on the last floor of a Spanish colonial-style building in Old San Juan. He’d visited Puerto Rico five years ago and fallen in love with the antique buildings that surrounded the capital. So when the opportunity came for him to open his office in the island, he made sure to. But instead of trying to modernize, he kept the original look. Black and white tiles covered the floor in a checker pattern, the walls typical white. Two sets of heavy wooden doors lay on both sides of the office. One led to the hallway and the other to the ornate balcony. Palm trees planted on pots placed on either side of the doors leading to the balcony gave it that touch of the tropics.

He got up and walked up to open the doors leading to the balcony wide. He leaned casually against the door frame. The view before him was breathtaking. The sun cast its bright rays over the next buildings, bringing the intensity of their colors. Aqua, peach, yellow, green, red. All bursting like a rainbow. It was almost impossible to look directly at them. The sky was cloudless. A typical afternoon in Puerto Rico. The sound of footsteps on the cobblestone streets below, humming with busy life. A soft, warm breeze carried the salty smell of the ocean. From his office, he could see beyond the other tile-roofed buildings the dark blue outline of the Atlantic Ocean as it met the turquoise sky.

Comments on "Vote for favorite chapter 2 intro NOW!!!"

 

Blogger Katrina Glover said ... (3:54 PM) : 

Personally, I like Ver. #1.

 

Blogger Crystal* said ... (7:13 PM) : 

The first one. It flows, and it seems more chronologically lovely. The scene shifts from one to the other almost seamlessly. The backstory doesn't stick out as much.
Grins*

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (8:20 PM) : 

I vote for the first one, too. As it was mentioned, chronologically, it's more correct and flows better.

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (10:23 PM) : 

OK, I'm odd one out. I vote for number 2.

It starts with action. It gets my attention, and KEEPS it. I personally found version 1 TOO descriptive, and ended up skimming it a bit.

Sorry, you asked. :)

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (5:51 AM) : 

I agree with Sasha on #2. Most of the beautiful description is still there--only the sense of pacing is better.

 

Blogger Kristen Painter said ... (9:33 AM) : 

#2 - The opening is more immediately into the action and the description is still there.

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (12:50 PM) : 

Okay I vote version 2 because it jumps in more quickly. Just my .02 ...

 

Blogger Gena Showalter said ... (2:01 PM) : 

I'll throw in my vote for 2.

 

Blogger Eva Gale said ... (8:57 PM) : 

Ha! I am vindicated!!!!

I (her mentor/going mental)choose #2 because it firmly puts the reader in the hero's POV (which she says she has a problem with), and blended in setting as part of the scene instead of a paragraph dump.

I'm going over the others tonight.

 

Blogger Crystal* said ... (4:10 PM) : 

LMAO

I knew I was going to be outnumbered.

Grins*

 

Blogger Silma said ... (5:04 PM) : 

Thank you all who voted! #2 is it then. *g*

And yes, Briana, I know you told me to use that in the first place. Hehehe!

 

Anonymous Anonymous said ... (11:05 PM) : 

Yay!!

I was worried when I voted agains the first couple. *ggg*

 

Blogger Silma said ... (11:10 PM) : 

Sasha, I think you started a chain reaction when you voted for #2. *lol*

 

Blogger Larissa Ione said ... (11:28 AM) : 

#2 for all the reasons stated. I like stories to start with some sort of action, so #2 gets my vote!

 

Blogger Silma said ... (12:31 PM) : 

Larissa - Personally I prefer to start with a dialogue. I'm so into dialogues. They tell me so much about a character, and they lead to action.

 

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