LA Banks's workshop: Day 1 (update 1)

I went over the file of the story of Andras and Jenny and stared at that particular scene in chapter 3, which I've been thinking about posting for the LA Banks's workshop. I cut it and pasted it on a separate document. I realized that it wasn't complete so I worked on it, added a few more lines. Then I went on to post it. Now let's see what LA Banks does with it.